08-31-2024

deep summer

8/31/2024
12:53PM
outside

i think to myself how im going to miss the heat of the summer.
of course i'm not talking about anything around ~30-35C,
but those bright moments where the temperature
is around ~26/27C and the sun is the only thing,
filling the atmosphere. no clouds either.
there's a simple joy i cannot describe in words of it.
it fills me with contentment, almost nostalgic feeling
and reminds me of the days i would skip days of school
and walk through this kind of weather, feeling the sun
on my exposed arms and legs while walking down the streets.
the only thing filling the air is the sound of the cars
passing by quickly and leaving their trailing sound for a bit,
the sound i cannot grasp or directly describe, yet something
i can always just visualize and hear every now and then.
a car that scrapes fast against the asphalt of the street
to which it fills up the air with noise, and not too loud.
a decent volume that just reminds me of the things that go by
and something that we can still hear even years later.
personally, i get this feeling alot during this time of year.
i sometimes end up in my back alley and stand there for a bit.
it brings be that same joy i always get in this weather
i can see the emptiness of the alley, reflected light from
the ground, thanks to the sun. it's empty and its loud.
the brightness of the reflection of the white ground,
while looking down further the alley makes me
feel like im in some sort of rural area for a bit. despite
my distaste for rural areas with emptiness and lack of life,
i think its something that i would like to experience during
this time of year. emptiness and taking everything in at 
the same time. the natural green of the leaves staring back,
the blue in the sky, feeling like a background at sometimes.
if you stare hard enough at the sky, with something in front,
you might end up accidentally switching it back and forth
between the object and the clear sky by accident.
the lack of noise is enjoyable at times,
despite being a noisy person myself. 
everything outside during this, feels right for some reason.
i've already expressed my love for the lack of activity
during this kind of weather at this time of year,
but its something i simply cannot get over and im glad.

to further think about it, at times when my skin gets hot,
but not to the point where im melting or covered in sweat.
i feel some sort of 'long way left' feeling that i really like.
its a feeling that despite walking down a path to somewhere,
and feeling the emptiness of the streets and the air.
without any complete disruptions or complete discomfort,
there is this feeling that there's a long way back. 
it's a rather powerful and sweet feeling.
there's no clear exhaustion in the path, nor are there any problems.
the energy left in yourself, and the energy of outside
blending together to bring yourself to go long distances,
and the time going by rather slowly, the same sun light,
still hitting from the same direction.
i find walking down in this state is always that never gets old,
its a bit of a pleasure, actually. i find myself really content.
if anything, i think of it walking down an empty road
in the middle of a desert, with nothing around it.
nothing to be seen but the occasional car passing by
and the signs giving an estimation for the distance back.
that's what i think everytime i do that. i really enjoy it.
the long way back feeling originated back when i heard a song,
while walking down in this state. castaways by common rider.
'it's a long way back but we're gonna go home'.
i think it perfectly captures that feeling every time.
despite the long distance and the emptiness and the surroundings
we're always gonna go home.
(it actually reminds me of 1980s summer california,
specifically berkley 1980s summer.)

going back to the original point, it's quite devastating to know
that all of that is going to go away soon, with winter coming.
it's right around the corner now that september is tomorrow,
and i know that the heat will stay here with us for another week
or maybe two its a bittersweet feeling to know its going to
leave us with the winters of chicago, after spending so much together.
theres so much comfort to be found in this time,
despite times where it felt like our skin was melting and dying,
or the times where the harsh storms blew off branches of trees
and throwing them around like ragdolls.
the deep summer feeling is impossible to recreate,
and its always cherished no matter what. 

-kauitsu