08-26-2024
first day
8/26/2024 2:20PM physics classroom if i have to stay any longer than like 2 hours in this room i think that my skull would be preferred to be smashed into a wall many times than to listen to long string of words that keeps entering into my ears anyways i think i am being a little dramatic here it's my first day here, to be honest, i haven't done anything interesting today. i have sat here thinking the way of possibly making some new friends it wont take just today or probably Wednesday or even 2 weeks, but i do believe i need to make a slight effort. i am going here without knowing a single person in the building at all not even from high school or even an acquaintance from the past that I've come to known and love yet its something that has been stuck in my head to find new connections, to find new memories that are ready to be made, and luckily there are no restrictions in my life that would come across this and i want to know many of the people here. ive never done this thing really, though, and has been a bit since ive made a real friend over something dumb and out of the blue. to talk to someone and have a real connection that forms from thin air, and truthfully those friendships have lasted awhile rather than sharing a common environment and to have the friendship go back and evaporate into the air to never be seen again. there was this guy in my computer science class. and we never really talked because the most interest and common ground we had was sharing the same computer science class. after the end of it, it seemed we barely spoke, and i have nothing to talk about in the first place even when i want to start first in a conversation. this post may sound a bit depressing, exaggerating, or possibly even a complete delusion, though its what im currently thinking at the moment. though on the positive side today, there was this guy in my calculus class today he kinda looked like a bit of a teachers pet and had all his supplies laid out and everything he needed, despite it being an introductory lecture for the class, without any new notes and yet he always kept catching my eye every second of it for some reason. he had your typical almost bald short hair and looked like the guy i knew in junior year of high school that sat in front of me in English. sure its quite foolish to think of someone because of a past experience of someone from a bit time ago, and possibly have no clear connection is a bit unreasonable. yet there was something about him that caught my attention for the most part. the funny part was, there was only eight students in the classroom and even during the 'engaging' lecture. he still caught my eye. there were many interests to be found in that calculus class, though. theres a guy who wore a full on business suit for some reason, and every time he stepped, the echoes of his shoes began to fill the room, and overcame the voice of the professor as the sound kept drawing my attention to it rather than the sound of my professor. there was another student who showed up an hour late and he caught my eye for a minute, though he seemed to be more interested in his phone than the class. it did appear that his little universe was a bit visible to everyone truthfully. you can kinda see his little daze despite him being across from the room from me. for some reason, the rest didn't catch my attention like those other students that were mentioned in the first place. being in physics though, there are two students i saw in calculus coincidentally, enough. its a slight comfort knowing that there are more people in the same place of having to sit through a 10-5 schedule of sitting through a 2 hour calculus class, and a 4 hour physics class. they look equally as uninterested in my professor at the moment, wonder if they kept lingering their mind into the other students in the class its not to sound insecure when i start to say this but, i wonder what the others might think of me in the first place am i a little weird guy? a guy who looks ready for class? a guy who looks like he has something going on? thats what fascinates me about humans in general. i can sit in the same room as other people and be in the same place, city, country and at the same time and going through similar experiences that we all have such as going through the harsh winters of chicago where all the clouds begin to cover us like a blanket, despite it being really cold, you would think a blanket keeping you warm, and the feeling of the sun going down, its amazing how many people are going through the same thing over and over every winter and these people share such a 'universal' (or would be it be local?) sensations. and they're all in the same classroom as me, and learning the same things as me, having similar knowledge as me considering that we are taking a class that has a bit of knowledge of math difficult enough to scare people. and amazingly, i love how we all have a different thinking set about other people, hell maybe someone had the similar feeling of staring the guy i mentioned earlier, or maybe someone else in the class thought the same about the girl who was in the corner, and working on her computer instead of paying attention. its not my business of course, but its someones interest, not mine. i think im going off a bit of a tangent though, the first day is always a bit of a downer, and an upper though. (does that make sense?) and sometimes this random stream of consciousness is making no sense sounds a bit off, or the random sentence structure (truthfully its written this way because of the limitations of the "pre" tag in html and i don't want it to make my page too wide to the point of it being illegible.) its actually -- and fairly -- a comfortable way of typing my thoughts out, as if im speaking to somebody compared to some sort of formatted, well written, peer reviewed, what ever you call it, blog post in general. another tangent. i will always have my hopes up, though. :) -kauitsu