08-26-2024

first day

8/26/2024
2:20PM
physics classroom

if i have to stay any longer than like 2 hours in this room
i think that my skull would be preferred
to be smashed into a wall many times
than to listen to long string of words
that keeps entering into my ears

anyways i think i am being a little dramatic here
it's my first day here, to be honest, i haven't done 
anything interesting today. i have sat here thinking
the way of possibly making some new friends
it wont take just today or probably Wednesday
or even 2 weeks, but i do believe i need to
make a slight effort. i am going here without knowing
a single person in the building at all
not even from high school or even an acquaintance from 
the past that I've come to known and love
yet its something that has been stuck in my head
to find new connections, to find new memories
that are ready to be made, and luckily there are no
restrictions in my life that would come across this
and i want to know many of the people here. ive
never done this thing really, though, and has been a bit
since ive made a real friend over something dumb
and out of the blue. to talk to someone and have
a real connection that forms from thin air,
and truthfully those friendships have lasted awhile
rather than sharing a common environment
and to have the friendship go back and evaporate
into the air to never be seen again. there was this guy
in my computer science class. and we never really talked
because the most interest and common ground we had
was sharing the same computer science class.
after the end of it, it seemed we barely spoke, and
i have nothing to talk about in the first place
even when i want to start first in a conversation.
this post may sound a bit depressing, exaggerating,
or possibly even a complete delusion, though
its what im currently thinking at the moment.
though on the positive side today, there
was this guy in my calculus class today
he kinda looked like a bit of a teachers pet and had
all his supplies laid out and everything he needed, despite it
being an introductory lecture for the class, without any new notes
and yet he always kept catching my eye every second of it for some 
reason. he had your typical almost bald short hair and looked like
the guy i knew in junior year of high school
that sat in front of me in English. sure its quite foolish
to think of someone because of a past experience of
someone from a bit time ago, and possibly have no clear connection
is a bit unreasonable. yet there was something about him that caught
my attention for the most part.
the funny part was, there was only eight students in the classroom
and even during the 'engaging' lecture. he still caught my eye.
there were many interests to be found in that calculus class, though.
theres a guy who wore a full on business suit for some reason,
and every time he stepped, the echoes of his shoes began
to fill the room, and overcame the voice of the professor as
the sound kept drawing my attention to it rather than the sound of my 
professor. there was another student who showed up an hour late
and he caught my eye for a minute, though he seemed to be
more interested in his phone than the class. it did appear
that his little universe was a bit visible to everyone truthfully.
you can kinda see his little daze despite him being across
from the room from me. for some reason, the rest didn't catch my attention
like those other students that were mentioned in the first place. 
being in physics though, there are two students i saw in calculus
coincidentally, enough. its a slight comfort knowing that
there are more people in the same place of having to sit through a 10-5 schedule
of sitting through a 2 hour calculus class, and a 4 hour physics class. 
they look equally as uninterested in my professor at the moment, wonder if they
kept lingering their mind into the other students in the class
its not to sound insecure when i start to say this but,
i wonder what the others might think of me in the first place
am i a little weird guy? a guy who looks ready for class?
a guy who looks like he has something going on? thats what
fascinates me about humans in general. i can sit in the same room as 
other people and be in the same place, city, country and at the same time
and going through similar experiences that we all have
such as going through the harsh winters of chicago where all the
clouds begin to cover us like a blanket, despite it being
really cold, you would think a blanket keeping you warm, 
and the feeling of the sun going down, its amazing how many
people are going through the same thing over and over every winter
and these people share such a 'universal' (or would be it be local?)
sensations. and they're all in the same classroom as me,
and learning the same things as me, having similar knowledge as me
considering that we are taking a class that has a bit of knowledge of 
math difficult enough to scare people. and amazingly, i love
how we all have a different thinking set about other people, hell
maybe someone had the similar feeling of staring the guy i mentioned
earlier, or maybe someone else in the class thought the same about the girl
who was in the corner, and working on her computer instead of
paying attention. its not my business of course, but its someones interest,
not mine. 

i think im going off a bit of a tangent though, the first day is always a bit
of a downer, and an upper though. (does that make sense?)
and sometimes this random stream of consciousness is making no sense
sounds a bit off, or the random sentence structure
(truthfully its written this way because of the  limitations of the
"pre" tag in html and i don't want it to make my page
too wide to the point of it being illegible.) 
its actually -- and fairly -- a comfortable way of typing my 
thoughts out, as if im speaking to somebody compared to some sort of
formatted, well written, peer reviewed, what ever you call it, 
blog post in general. 

another tangent. i will always have my hopes up, though.
:)

-kauitsu